“Here Am I LORD, Send Me”

I try to make sense of all the chaos in my life right now but it’s near impossible

One family wants us to move east, the other north

What do I do? This decision comes down to me and I’m confused

I love both families but one more so because they raised me, is this wrong?

My wife was fired from her job 2 months ago and jobs do not find us easily these days.

My job has helped and I have insurance, a 401K which is growing quite nicely but the take home isn’t great.

As a previous co-worker from India would ask, “What to do?”

The answer I am not so sure of right now.

Do I stay here, fight and stretch myself to finally work at a church again or do I flee?

I’m crossed and don’t know which would be better honestly

Both options sound good but OK has never been my home, should it be?

I am a very successful manager at my store and will another door open so I can provide?

I know God opens doors and helps guide and direct our steps but I am so confused!

Why now? Why now? Why now? Why now? WHY NOW?!?

I mean, a year ago would have made more sense logically and now it makes me feel like a failure.

I know that I am not a failure but I mean, financially the numbers simply are not adding up!

Have you ever reached a state in your life when you had to submit to humility?

I have a BA and all it is to me is a loan and a piece of paper that is still in an envelope!

I listen to people yell, curse and throw profanities, I clean toilets and floors and for what?

To tell my wife that I love her and that I would do anything to provide for her and make her happy.

I am doing the best I can and now I am doubting my abilities and talents and why!?!

Why can’t I just play drums for a living? Why is that door not open? I haven’t a clue…

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and all your mind and with all  your strength…”

Well here goes a next door, and as I ask myself over and over…. “What to do…?”

So, I need a new job very badly that will help provide for my family and I’m not quite sure what I am supposed to do honestly! I know I have a passion for music and youth ministry and I have excellent customer relations experience and excel at helping people out. But when push comes to shove, what is it that I am supposed to do? What is it that God has created me for?

I would love to open a music store and do lessons and work on A/V, graphics, playing drums or well I dunno!?! I want to enjoy life and have fun. What I do when I clock in (at the work place of red & khaki) is not something I look forward to. I do not LOVE my job nor do most people at that store have a love for the people that work under them (at least it feels that way most days).

So that’s my thought process right now and I am looking forward to what God has in store at Pin Oaks Fellowship and why I have a peace about attending and plugging in. God, is this what you have for us? Is this where you have us to go?

I just want to be a respectful husband and father that does what is best for the family as a whole. Please pray for me. Some days I feel so out of place here in McKinney but I love my friends and the possibilities of it all. I just wish I could see the whole picture right now.

Till next time, I shall sing Hallelujah to The Lord and how worthy is He to be praised.

My vision – not clear
My future – coming faster every day
My passion – not opening doors
My degree – still in an envelope after 2 years
My heart – aching
My head – full of questions
My wife – jobless, insurance-less & pregnant
My concerns – too heavy to lift right now

My brother Taylor – Father passed away and stood up at the funeral to praise God for his Father’s faith

Now I feel as though my concerns are like filthy rags compared to his hurt and inward frustration. Why is it that we always feel as though we have things the worst until we see somebody that’s “worse” off than I.

Perhaps faith is much more than believing and following.
Perhaps faith is much more than Jesus & His Disciples.
Perhaps faith is much more than confessing and doing.
Perhaps faith is losing everything, only to one day gain more back.

Perhaps through all of this, hindsight will reveal God’s footprints in my place…

Please Father, send rain

I am ready for a new environment

I think this is it

Let’s hurry things up and move

Oh did I mention I’m going to be a dad?

well it didn’t work but it was a cool idea, oh well

A possibility may be around the horizon, let’s see what the future holds

Thank you all for your prayers!

Still waiting…

Is it me or is it always when we await the response of a job offer does time seem to pass by so much slower?

Even though I am glad God has shown us so much and taught us more, I await the day when I love my job, love my life (to the fullest) and feel like I am a part of the kingdom in much more efficient ways (if that makes sense.)

Well, I guess all timing is in purpose to the greatest goals.

To God be the glory!