Live. Learn. Apply.

Latest

Time

About a year has passed since Pawpaw was taken from this world. I think about him often and I still want to call him on a regular basis like I used to fill him in on life and what was going on in my little world. Time has flown by!

What has happened since?

I left TGT to work for SBUX as a Store Manager
We moved from Lexington, OK to Stillwater, OK where we can afford to again pay for our own style of living after 15+ months of assistance from April’s family.
Annabelle had her first birthday and it was awesome!
We have joined a church as a family. The first time ever in 7 years together!
April and I celebrate 5 years of marriage this Fall and I feel bad because we cannot afford to do anything real big…. AGAIN! ugh!
We are discussing buying a house, kiddo #2, and April’s SAHM Job future

So yeah, not much has happened at all!

My Hero

3 weeks ago, my grandfather, my hero passed away.

This man was very dear to me and meant the world to me. I feel like he was taken away far too soon and with so many things yet to be done. This death has created a hurt and a hole in my life. I always looked up to the man and knew that if things were bad, he would have a way to bring peace, hope, joy and love. I always joked that my Pawpaw was a preacher and a carpenter but that he wasn’t Jesus. Truth is, I always pictured Jesus to be something like my Pawpaw. He could joke with the best of them and laugh with the best as well but when it came to preaching The Word, nothing could hold him back. Nothing.

I always wanted to call him after I had a job at a church after graduating and that day will never come. I know I shouldn’t hold on to things that could have been and what I think should have been but everyday it lingers in my mind. When Pawpaw died, a part of me died as well. I never thought this day would come.

I remember that the first time I had Mountain Dew, Pawpaw was at our house on Greenbriar helping us work on our breakfast bar in the kitchen. He was a big man and knew so much! He could make anything and fix anything stronger than it was originally built. He was present at most if not all of our church functions even though he was pastoring a church and he did his best to make it to all of my musical activities. I could tell he loved the fact that I love and breath music. I could just tell by the smile on his face and the sparkle in his eye when I played. I miss him so much.

Working in retail killed my ability to spend the Holidays with him and that was always the best of times. Hearing him tell everyone why we celebrate Christmas and then sitting the whole family down and telling everyone that it was his last Christmas; every year. At the time, we would cry a little and then laugh it off but now, it just seems ironic. It’s like for years he kept saying, “now listen here and listen good. One day I will pass from this Earth and move on to live with God and my time here is limited. If you want to spend time with me, make it so. Call me, come fish with me, come let me show you how to cut wood or preach a sermon.” If only I could go back in time and hug him one more time. Harder. Longer. No regrets.

I spent time with my Pawpaw July 31 & August 1 and seems like it was just a couple of days ago now. The weekend went by so fast and I loved every single minute of it. I showed him around a brand new place and his eyes just lit up when I showed him around OU and what I manage at Target. He seemed so proud of me that I was keeping my head up and my feet in front of me despite all the hardships that I have faced.

Early morning on August 2nd, I had to leave to go to work and before I left I said goodbye to everybody. The last person I spoke with was Pawpaw. I walked into Tony & Paulie’s spare bedroom and there he stood. I walked up to my Pawpaw, gave him a big hug and said, “I love you.” His reply was the same while holding me tight and as I let go I looked him in the eye for the last time. As I saw the sparkle in his eye, he started to tear up. I teared up as well even though I knew that I would see him again at Lake Catherine in early November. I will not see him again on this Earth.

Perhaps as my family has spoken of several times, the man knew somehow that his time here was coming to an end. He had never teared up before when telling me goodbye and even while I drove to work on that mild, August morning I cried all the way to work. Maybe somehow our spirits connected to one another and knew that it would be our last goodbye. I will never know for sure.

I say all of this because this man, my Pawpaw, Stafford Steven Harris, was my hero. I admired him, looked up to him and knew that I wanted to be like him.

I count myself blessed because this man was at many birthdays, holidays, concerts, my high school and college graduations, my wedding and he got to hold my daughter, Annabelle Rose. I will forever miss the man and will always have an empty spot where he used to be.

He pushed me to love God despite the trials and hardships. He urged me to lead my family and to love them more every day. He taught me how to laugh, love and lead. He touched countless lives with his middle school education and the impact he made in my life will forever change the way I love God, my family and music. God has given me a gift and I need to use it, embrace and love it.

I close with this:

Pawpaw,
The last time I said goodbye to you, I didn’t tell you how proud I have always been of you or how much I look up to you but I would like to think that you always knew. You always gave me the invitation to preach at your church and I never took you up on that, a decision I will always regret. I held on strong when I spoke at the funeral. You would have been proud. I spoke on how God was your love and that music was your language. That is how I summed it up. I heard many amens and so many people must have agreed. I am really going to miss you and am unsure as to why God took you so abruptly. I know I must have faith that all is in God’s timing but right now I just really want to talk to you. I want to talk about the churches that are talking to me and how it feels. I want you to pray with me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. I feel like I am alone now. What do I do now? Which church is right? Throw some words in with the Big Guy if you could please.

I love you so much and will miss you more than music can convey.

Your Grandson,
Todd McGrew

A Door

I have a possible job opportunity within grasp.

Problem you ask?
It’s 8+ hrs away from friends and family, compensation is not that awesome

Positives you ask?
It’s in TX, it’s a youth position, this could be where God is calling us

So how do you know that God is calling you somewhere?

Logos Software

Logos Bible Software is giving away thousands of dollars of prizes to celebrate the launch of Logos Bible Software 4 Mac on October 1. Prizes include an iMac, a MacBook Pro, an iPad, an iPod Touch, and more than 100 other prizes!

They’re also having a special limited-time sale on their Mac and PC base packages and upgrades. Check it out!

Forsaking The Logical

While looking for a part-time or new full-time job, I cannot help but wonder the outcomes of what change may take place. How do I know which decision is right and how do I discern peace and not apathy. Faith is much more than just reading and prayer; faith is living and applying that which the mind cannot comprehend. I will try and take a stab at this. Forsaking all, I trust Him…

The Wisdom of a Mage

I have been searching now for a year.
News of a new job I do not hear.
Is it here or is it there.
I have been looking everywhere.

Why has the time passed us by.
It seems like days have turned to nigh.
I’ve lost all hope in flying high.
For the time has quickly passed us by.

For all things new I do await.
But alas I doubt my destined fate.
The success I sought once is now gone.
And now all I seek

Is a stinkin house of my own man!
Is it SO much to ask?

Jumbled Mess

I try to make sense of all the chaos in my life right now but it’s near impossible

One family wants us to move east, the other north

What do I do? This decision comes down to me and I’m confused

I love both families but one more so because they raised me, is this wrong?

My wife was fired from her job 2 months ago and jobs do not find us easily these days.

My job has helped and I have insurance, a 401K which is growing quite nicely but the take home isn’t great.

As a previous co-worker from India would ask, “What to do?”

The answer I am not so sure of right now.

Do I stay here, fight and stretch myself to finally work at a church again or do I flee?

I’m crossed and don’t know which would be better honestly

Both options sound good but OK has never been my home, should it be?

I am a very successful manager at my store and will another door open so I can provide?

I know God opens doors and helps guide and direct our steps but I am so confused!

Why now? Why now? Why now? Why now? WHY NOW?!?

I mean, a year ago would have made more sense logically and now it makes me feel like a failure.

I know that I am not a failure but I mean, financially the numbers simply are not adding up!

Have you ever reached a state in your life when you had to submit to humility?

I have a BA and all it is to me is a loan and a piece of paper that is still in an envelope!

I listen to people yell, curse and throw profanities, I clean toilets and floors and for what?

To tell my wife that I love her and that I would do anything to provide for her and make her happy.

I am doing the best I can and now I am doubting my abilities and talents and why!?!

Why can’t I just play drums for a living? Why is that door not open? I haven’t a clue…

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and all your mind and with all  your strength…”

Well here goes a next door, and as I ask myself over and over…. “What to do…?”

So, a note after Fa

So, I need a new job very badly that will help provide for my family and I’m not quite sure what I am supposed to do honestly! I know I have a passion for music and youth ministry and I have excellent customer relations experience and excel at helping people out. But when push comes to shove, what is it that I am supposed to do? What is it that God has created me for?

I would love to open a music store and do lessons and work on A/V, graphics, playing drums or well I dunno!?! I want to enjoy life and have fun. What I do when I clock in (at the work place of red & khaki) is not something I look forward to. I do not LOVE my job nor do most people at that store have a love for the people that work under them (at least it feels that way most days).

So that’s my thought process right now and I am looking forward to what God has in store at Pin Oaks Fellowship and why I have a peace about attending and plugging in. God, is this what you have for us? Is this where you have us to go?

I just want to be a respectful husband and father that does what is best for the family as a whole. Please pray for me. Some days I feel so out of place here in McKinney but I love my friends and the possibilities of it all. I just wish I could see the whole picture right now.

Till next time, I shall sing Hallelujah to The Lord and how worthy is He to be praised.

3 minutes

My vision – not clear
My future – coming faster every day
My passion – not opening doors
My degree – still in an envelope after 2 years
My heart – aching
My head – full of questions
My wife – jobless, insurance-less & pregnant
My concerns – too heavy to lift right now

My brother Taylor – Father passed away and stood up at the funeral to praise God for his Father’s faith

Now I feel as though my concerns are like filthy rags compared to his hurt and inward frustration. Why is it that we always feel as though we have things the worst until we see somebody that’s “worse” off than I.

Perhaps faith is much more than believing and following.
Perhaps faith is much more than Jesus & His Disciples.
Perhaps faith is much more than confessing and doing.
Perhaps faith is losing everything, only to one day gain more back.

Perhaps through all of this, hindsight will reveal God’s footprints in my place…

iPray

Please Father, send rain